Not Even Death Can Save Me Now
by LionsloveLambs
Summary: The one failure that people fear, is losing a battle with themselves.


Ichigo's Point-of-view.

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Last Friday I heard a voice in my head. Not a whiny voice or a demanding one either. It was the raspy voice that belongs to my hollow.

I hadn't heard from him in so long that his stupid mocking tone scared the shit out of me. I thought he was gone for good, but he stayed true to his word and came back. And ever since then I've had this horrible pain in my chest that I refuse to share with anyone else.

Everyone's always telling me to share my burdens, but I won't. If I let someone else shoulder this pain, I won't be able to look anyone in the eye. Heh, my heart's already in half, what's a few more pieces.

I went to school Monday only to end up in more pain...

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I walked down the school's hallway slowly, bag in hand. I tried not to grip my chest, despite my pain, or someone was bound to notice. Either way, I knew somebody would ask. I didn't mind lying though; I do it all the time anyway. People always ask if I'm okay, but I just brush them off and say I'm fine when I'm clearly not. I appreciate the thought, but maybe if I tell people I'm alright it'll start to happen.

The classroom door was open when I entered. I was so focused on the pain in my body that I didn't notice Keigo jumping on me, until; he slammed his whole bony body into my ribcage at full speed.

An agonized yelp ripped from my throat and echoed throughout the room, startling all my classmates. Realizing what just happened, I bit my tongue until I tasted blood.

"I'm fine." I managed to choke out.

"Are you sure Ichigo?" "I didn't mean to-."

"I said I'm fine!" I spat, quickly regretting it.

Whimpering again, I forced myself not to double over in pain. And yelling definitely did not make the situation any better.

Making my way to my assigned seat, I noticed that my closest friends were still staring at me. They always know when something is wrong with me. And I was clearly so off that day, that a blind man could've pointed it out.

Ishida pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose and 'hmphed'. I slid by with a stupid excuse that time, but I knew they were going to probe me at lunch.

Sitting through my math and literature classes was hell, I was dreading lunch, but on top of it all I was in so much pain I thought I was going to explode. It was the _worst_ pain I have ever felt, worse than getting stabbed through the heart, or having your soul chain eaten away. And after a while, people started to take notice, just as I had predicted.

"Kurosaki, are you alright?" Ochi-sensei asked.

"H-hai." I stuttered through clenched teeth.

"Would you like to go to the nurse's office?"

I shook my head hastily.

"Shit." I grunted. I shouldn't have moved at all. The whole damn room was spinning.

Breathing heavily, I stood on wobbly legs.

"I just need some air."

I tried walking slowly, but it took so much energy just to breath, that I didn't think I could even make it out the door. I actually broke a sweat moving myself six feet.

Grabbing on to the door frame, I pushed myself out and slammed the door quickly. I cussed, shifting all my weight onto the door. The whole 'keep it a secret thing' was proving itself difficult.

My legs would only carry me so far, since I was limping so badly. But I managed to make to the roof. The stairs caused a lot more trouble than I had anticipated. And a lot more pain. Every time I adjusted my foot onto a stair I had to count to five before putting all my weight on that one foot. It was annoying as hell. But the actual roof was more annoying.

It was as hot as hell itself outside. I was about to turn around and leave but a bolt of pain shot straight through me. My knees buckled and I hit the concrete. Sliding down the nearest wall, I impatiently gasped for air.

Blood drizzled out of my mouth and onto my gray uniform.

"Just keep breathing." I assured myself.

The pain was unbearable enough that I clutched my stomach and threw up some more blood.

I know most people think I'm stupid but I wasn't dumb enough to think I was alright. I couldn't believe I had to go the rest of the school day in this much pain. Before lunch came around I decided that I was going to play dumb and hid my emotions. No one was gong to break through my stone wall. And thank god, Rukia was away in Soul Society, or she would have definitely been harassing me right then and there. No, I was going to play it cool until the end of the when I could see Urahara. I thought he might have some answers. But Until then I rose from the ground and headed back to class to tell my teacher that I just had a stomach ache. Perfect plan, but I didn't know how long it would last until I go to lunch.

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Oh yeah!!! I absolutely adore Ichigo. So I couldn't resist writing about him. But in this story I'll probably change POVs. So it won't just be Ichigo talking, it will change to Rukia eventually, and maybe a few other people.

Love ya! ; )


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